“I'm tired of being weak and looking like shit," Mongo said to Randy as they sat on the outside serving deck of the Bearded Clam Bar and Grill in Bayville, Maryland, having lunch and a few beers. It was a hot and humid Saturday in September, and they had spent the morning fixing up a goose blind, getting it ready for hunting season, which was only a few weeks away. They had both finished two large plates of beef nachos and 2 buckets of Coors beer. The “Clam” – as the locals called it – served hot steamed crabs, big burgers, and buckets of ice-cold Coors. Mongo and Randy, now both 45 years old, had been coming here since they were little kids.

“Yeah?” Randy asked as he finished another bottle of Rocky Mountain Kool-Aid, half of it in one gulp. “Yeah,” Mongo said, “I'm too heavy, hovering around 250 pounds.” He patted his belly. “I have let myself go and I feel awful all of the time. I'm ready to get back to being strong again, and in shape. I look okay in a shirt, but when I take my shirt off, I look bad. And I'm weak as a newborn kitten.”

“I've seen you at 250 before, and you were all jacked up and strong, too,” Randy said.

“Yeah, but after I banged my knee up in that boating accident, I got pissed off that I couldn’t squat or deadlift for a while, so I turned to beer and nachos and the couch for comfort. I always felt like a pussy just going in the gym and doing upper body stuff. We always made fun of guys like that.”

“You screwed up. You should have pushed the upper body training,” Randy said, shaking his head at his friend. “What a piss-poor excuse. You wouldn’t be so far behind if you had just kept your butt in the gym. But what is done is done. How is the knee feeling now?”

“I’m good to go. I did some light squats and deads a few days back and it felt great, no soreness.” Mongo answered.

“So what are you gonna do? What’s the plan?” asked Randy.

“Get my fat ass back in shape,” Mongo said, laughing, “and I want you to write me up a program.”

Mongo had been training for as long as Randy had, since he was a teenager, but he never liked writing his own program. He just wanted for Randy to write it down and he would get it done. He felt like it held him more accountable for his buddy to design his program.

“Dude, go ask Lucille for a pen,” Randy said, pointing to their favorite waitress at the counter. “We'll write up your plan right now.”

Randy always got excited when he wrote up a new lifting cycle both for himself and others. He could remember getting finished with his powerlifting meets years back and writing up his next training cycle before he even left the lifting venue.

Mongo handed Randy a pen. “Okay, first of all, you have to put some muscle back on. So getting back into the weight room is the main thing. Let’s get you on a 4-day-a-week routine. Let’s get back to the basics.”

Randy wrote on the napkin:

Day 1, Monday

• Heavy Squat
• Rows
• Curls
• Grip

Day 2, Tuesday

• Light press
• Heavy bench
• Incline press
• Bench and shoulder assistance
• Dips or pushups

Day 3, Thursday

• Light squat
• Deadlifts
• Chinups
• Rows
• Curls
• Grip

Day 4, Friday

• Heavy press
• Light bench press
• Bench and Shoulder assistance
• Dips or pushups or triceps extensions

“Looks good,” Mongo said, “I have always liked that training split. Where do I start with the weight choices?”

“Start off light and gain some momentum,” Randy answered, “Let’s begin by doing 5x5 on all the big lifts. On your top sets, add 5 pounds a week on the bench and 10 on the squat and deadlifts, at least for the first couple of weeks while you get used to training again. We can make bigger jumps later on and we will also drop the reps as you progress week to week.”

“What about the assistance stuff?” Mongo asked.

“Doesn’t really matter,” Randy said. “I know you like to look in the mirror, so throw some lateral raises and some dumbbell benches and shrugs in there if you want to, 3-5 sets of 5-8 reps. I'll leave the assistance stuff up to you. The big exercises are what really matters. Always complete all of your reps in the 'big' exercises. We will be building up to a max eventually in the squat, bench, deadlift, and press, so never miss a rep on those exercises.”

“What about diet?” Mongo asked.

“Well, just cutting down from 4 beers a night to 2, and cutting your junk food consumption in half will be a good start. That alone will cause you to drop some fat in a short period of time. Make sure to have protein at every meal, a big portion, and leave the table when you are satisfied, not stuffed. Learn the difference between the two. Eventually, when and if you stall some, we can cycle your carbs, but you are a ways away from that right now. I don't want you hungry, and I want you to have energy to train. Small changes, nothing drastic.”

“What about cardiovascular training?” Mongo asked, “I hate cardio.”

“Then don’t do it,” Randy said, “at least not in the traditional sense. Hit the heavy bag, push the prowler some. Have fun with it, but don’t go crazy. Don’t let it make inroads into your recovery from the weight training sessions. It is really gaining muscle and cutting back on your food, plus adding the protein in that will make the biggest difference.”

As the weeks went by, Mongo made fast progress. His shoulders and and arms blew up and his legs were noticeably thicker. Even better was the fact that after only 6 hard weeks of training, he was close to hitting new 5-rep maxes in the squat, bench, deadlift, and press. His energy level was way up and he felt like he was kicking life in the ass now, instead of the other way around.

After a hard squat session that Randy had joined in on, they drove over to the Clam and assumed their usual position on the outside deck and ordered a bucket of beer. “Just one bucket?” Lucille asked. “Y’all usually order 2 at a time.”

“Mongo is watching his figure,” Randy said. Lucille rolled her eyes and walked away, shaking her head.

“Hey man,” Mongo said, pointing his Coors bottle at Randy. “I want to thank you for kicking my ass with this program. You really helped me out.”

“Don’t mention it, brother. Now, don’t ever stop training. Work around your injuries and always stay big and strong. There really is no other way to be.”

“I hear you man,” Mongo said, “Never again. You know, I was thinking that maybe you helped me out so much so that you could have the extra beers in the bucket that were usually mine. You did cut me back to 2 beers a night. That leaves 4 out of the 6 for you.”

“C’mon, man! I wouldn’t do that to you,” Randy said, laughing as he unscrewed the top of his third beer. “I was only thinking about your training.”

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